I've finally given up & surrendered to what God wants me to do with Lilly Anna Kids. I've wrestled with it for a long time & since making the decision this weekend it's been confirmed for me 4 times & I have such peace about it. Why do we fight God? I've thought it would kill my business but it truly is my hearts desire & I know God will provide. In fact if I know anything about him he probably has something better. I've held onto this for so long b/c it is a part of me...letting go seemed like I would be losing a part of me, my dream. But I know he has a plan & I want to follow it.....willingly.
Don't panic, I'll still be sewing and selling on a small scale but I am going to be closing my website and putting most of my things in my etsy shop. I want to focus on helping others. Let me tell you why....
It all comes with the personality I think. Shy, quiet, poor......low self esteem. I was the oldest of 5 and my dad worked hard to provide for us. In fact that is what I remember most about him from my childhood, how hard he worked. A family of 5 kids required every dollar he made so we didn't have all the frills that kids grow up with today. Of course being a kid I grew up comparing myself to other kids I knew. Kids who didn't come from family's of 5 kids=more $ for things. But before you feel sorry for me let me tell you we were rich, though we didn't realize it, we had each other, lived on a farm and had amazing parents....we had it made. The ideal childhood minus "stuff". (which I think is best anyway, less "stuff") Whatever the reason, (was probably my shy personality) it seemed that the friends I had were the kind that only liked you til someone better came around which equaled a feeling of "something is wrong with me, I must not be as valuable as that person"....this continues on into the teen years along with those feelings we have about our bodies. I especially hated my nose, hairline and various other parts on my body and constantly compared myself to others around me. Let me tell you there are some beautiful people out there that are so ugly inside. I know because I knew some of them. Looked like porcelain dolls but acted like monsters to those they didn't deem "worthy". Throw in starting back to public school in 9th grade after being out for 7 years and I had a serious case of low self esteem. I was too shy to push myself out there and make friends so I hung with the special needs kids most of the time, it seemed.....the ones no one wanted to be around. I see how silly this case of low self esteem was now but at the time when you are a teenager it is a big thing. Seemed like as I went along the road of life the proof that I was worth less than others kept stacking up against me. Of course this is ridiculous and at the time I didn't see this as clearly as I do now, I didn't really think of it in these terms....I just felt it. Let me put in here that my family had nothing to do with these feelings, they are and were the most loving and supportive family I could have been lucky to be born into. Its just that as a child/teen your family's "approval" doesn't seem to matter as much as others. Now let me tell you what helped give me self value. Every since I was a child I've had the urge to create. And boy did I create! Nothing was safe from me. I usually created stuff from trash or whatever I could get my hands on because we didn't have money for crafting supplies. Here is what saved me from this case of "no self value". I knew Jesus loved me but I didn't feel like I had any value, like I was worth anything to him or anybody. I didn't have anything, I hated my physical appearance, I hated that I was shy, I had no value, nothing that made me feel worth something but my family (and Jesus) changed all that. (Ok, I'm crying here) When I would create something, my family would cheer me on. I don't think they realized at first what it did for me but it made me feel like I had value so I would create something else. Making something with your own two hands gives you satisfaction like very few other things will. So that began my journey. It started with my little family of cheerleaders and grew to include others in my "not immediate family", then friends and then strangers. One day I woke up and realized hey, I have something that money can't buy, no one can take it away from me and no one can duplicate what I have been given. God gave me a gift, he trusted me with something, I had VALUE! When I look back down the road and where I was as a young girl that had no self esteem, self value at all and I see where I am at today (and I'm not being proud or haughty) I know that God has given me something that is meant to be shared with others, not to be used on myself. To use it to help someone just like I was to find value in themselves with a skill and see the value Jesus has placed on each one of us. We are so precious in his sight I only wish I would have seen it sooner. I'm not begrudging what seem to be the lonely road I walked because now when I look back I see where its taken me and I am so thankful. Now here is the part I mentioned about letting go. It has always been my desire to help someone just like myself but I've been afraid. Afraid to tell my secrets (such as they are). I've been burned before. You tell someone your tricks and they take your business. I've so desired to tell you how to make everything in my shoppe but I feared it would ruin my business. And it may but I'm ready to let it go.I would argue with God about it, I'll do anything but _____. This is that blank spot. I've giving it all. He knows what is best for me, he gave it to me to use for him anyway. It's been a hard struggle for me to get to this point. Lilly Anna Kids represents freedom and a dream to me. I wanted it to be a thriving successful business that could employ stay at home mom's and people that really needed the employment but now I see that maybe it will be just that, only thru a different way. I'm changing my focus from making money to change lives. Money and the things it buys is so fleeting and worthless.....helping to change someones perception about themselves is priceless. The greatest work I could do. Now you might not suffer from low self esteem like I did but maybe you suffer from feeling bad because you can't buy the things for your child like everyone else has. No money to be fancy. That's where I can help you! In the coming weeks I will be making tutorials for everything in my shoppe.......for free! If there is something you've been wanting to make but aren't sure how, lets talk! We can do it together! I'm here to be the funnel, to pass what's been given to me onto you. :) You can do it!
Blessings,
Misty
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